Stop trying to make yourself fit into spaces & places not meant for you

I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting the last few days, as I’ve been sinking into a devotional container with cacao and moving through some significant portals (my solar return and preparing to go into my own soul-led business full-time). I’ve spent a lot of time with family, too, going back into places I haven’t for a while, retracing steps I’ve walked so many times before, in all different seasons of my life. In sum—it’s brought up a lot.
Slowing down long enough to reflect before pushing ahead has always been vital for me; I think that’s true for everyone, at least to some extent. In sitting down with myself, it’s like I see all of the puzzle pieces spread out, and start to weave the tapestry together, seeing how it all connects. I can see more clearly where I need to go, and find the wisdom and purpose of all I’ve moved through, too. And what’s coming through strongly right now is how much the environments we’re in & people we’re around influence us and how we see ourselves.

This is a very Gemini and “air” topic in general, as the air element is all about communication, understanding, translating, interpreting, connecting and communing. It’s about how much we learn about ourselves and the world in relation to other people and the spaces that we’re in. The Gemini twins represent how we are constantly mirroring each other when we are in connection, revealing the places we overlap and the contrasts; both the light and dark. We can make connections that reflect our light back to us; those that mirror our value and make us feel loved and appreciated. But we can also see things about ourselves that we don’t like, be in relationships that bring us down, and make us feel small. Relationships are truly one of the most significant vehicles for transformation—if we can allow it. And the relationships we had with our family of origin (early childhood is also ruled by Gemini) set the tone.

There were lots of ways I was loved and nurtured growing up, and there were also a lot of aspects of my environment that I didn’t “fit” with. It was hard for me to relate to many of the people around me; it seemed I was always thinking too much, feeling too much, asking too many questions that no one else seemed to wonder about… so naturally I internalized that I was “too much,” in general. I learned to keep a lot more to myself, presenting myself in ways that were more positively received (trying to be perfect), and ended up attracting relationships that I also ended up being “too much” for; confirming my worst fears. AND, through some of my most painful moments, I was forced to practice better boundaries, and learn how to love myself again for who I actually am. To peel back the layers of things I thought I had to be to gain love & approval. And ironically, when I’m able to be myself, I more easily find the love and acceptance from people that actually do see & appreciate me for who I am, because I’m not hiding!

Now, the process of untangling our conditioning (aka the influence of our environment and relationships) is not linear nor one & done. It’s hard work and it’s humbling. And we all learn ways of contorting ourselves to be liked; we’re wired for connections as humans and maintaining that connection is part of survival. To want love and validation is not wrong or something we are meant to go without. But if we base our lives entirely on the need for someone else’s approval, whose life are we really living? That’s bound to feel exhausting and unsustainable. Furthermore, if we ourselves don’t believe we deserve support on some level, we’re going to have a very hard time finding and being able to actually receive the love we so crave. As hard as it is to unravel our conditioning, it’s also painful to continue to squeeze ourselves into something that just isn’t aligned.

One way I’ve found many of the women I’ve worked with (and myself included) continue to hurt themselves is by going back to the places, spaces and people that couldn’t see their light, expecting a different result. Still craving the approval from those that may never have the ability to provide it. And in doing so, we continue to confirm that we’re not lovable, not worthy, not important, etc. A quote one of my mentors shared with me encapsulates this perfectly; she said: “And we don’t go to the hardware store looking for milk.” E.g. don’t keep going back to the same source that you know doesn’t have what you need.

Gemini gives us the permission to change our environment and form new connections. Permission to change our minds. To have evolving interests, wants and desires. To be multi-dimensional. To stop forcing ourselves to fit into places and spaces that aren’t meant for us (or were maybe only meant for a season). To be clear, this isn’t about avoiding the parts of ourselves we’d rather not see or to dismiss anyone that makes us feel invalidated—remember, Gemini is also about nuance. The relationship, job or situation that doesn’t feel right but also feels predicable will continue to wield the same result until something shifts. And as scary as letting go of this certainty feels, I want you to know: there are people and communities that are looking for exactly who you are and what you bring. It could even be some of the places you’re in now, but when you show up differently & expect something different, the rest of the equation inevitably will need to shift, too. Imagine if how valuable and beautiful and capable you are was reflected back to you everyday! You’d feel like a total badass. Would you be entirely without doubt? No—we all have our moments. But you would have the inner trust to ride it out and the people that understand you to remind you of your worth.

My wish is for us all to get back to that place. To get back to who we were before the world told us who to be, and to live the lives that feel right for us. This is why I do what I do. And it’s in the energy of the New Moon in Gemini that my 1:1 coaching container re-opens, on the week of June 16th. This is your permission slip to begin anew. Click here to learn more about my coaching offerings. Click here to apply now.